BlogHer12 in the Big Apple -

When it was announced last year that this year's BlogHer Conference would be held in New York City I have to admit I was at first dismayed. I didn't think I could pull off a trip that had a huge travel expense price tag. Well, I was wrong.

AND I'm so glad I was wrong!

I had conversations with people that really left me eager to connect MORE, to get more committed to my blog, to learn more about the other conferences out there and of course prepare for BlogHer13 next year. Here's my list of what to do before a BlogHer Conference (some of which I may or may not have followed) just in case you need it.

I waited until just a month out to schedule my plane ticket... this worked out in my benefit though... it meant I had to take off on Tuesday for a conference that didn't really get going until Thursday night. That meant I had some built in sightseeing time! Something I would not have gotten to do if I had just stuck to the conference schedule. I booked a first class ticket, cuz that was all that was left... fortunately I had the miles for it! So, the biggest part of the conference expense was using my airline miles that I'd saved for many years. I guess when you get committed to something nothing says it better than redeeming 64,000 miles!

When you wait until the last minute, it can be a little challenging to find roommates, but I did! AND they were great! I know not everyone has that experience so I want to give them a shout out and say I'm really glad that the stars aligned for us to meet one another and experience NYC together! Life with four boys and The adventures of Faith are both bloggers and then Colleen wants to start a blog. I hope she does!

Some of the fun stuff we did together as roommates touring the Big Apple:

1. Went to Macy's on 34th street - I was laughing when I asked the cab driver where Macy's was and he told me 34th street - DUH! Miracle on 34th street! I never had both such horrible customer service and wonderful customer service in the exact same shopping trip. I think that might just be a parrallel for NYC though. You can read about my shoe shopping here.

2. Stumbled upon Times Square - really - we weren't planning to even go there but we were looking for a place to eat and got awe struck by all the lights (basically advertisements) just like everyone else. I managed to get my picture with Elmo and saw Naked Cowboy.

3. Rode around Central Park in a horse drawn carriage and got all the good historic landmarks pointed out - but don't quiz me cuz I won't remember any of them! That is the best way to see Central Park, I've done the walking through it thing and trying to figure out where we were and what was worth seeing was too much trouble.

4. Checked out Rockefeller Center - there was a farmers market there which I LOVED and even bought some fresh lavendar. I got to see Rockefeller Center a second time on Sunday and get a better idea of its importance via the awesome tour guide that Stumble Upon provided.

5. Ate at one of Gordon Ramsey's restaurants over at The London Hotel and can honestly say it is possible to turn a cobb salad into a fine dining experience. The chocolate martini though, hmmmm, that was really amazing! I scoffed at the $19 price tag, but I guess the high drink prices are just another New York thing.

6. Ate at Carmines - I guess this is not a unique to NYC experience but it sure was gooooooood! Sadly, it put Buca di Beppo to shame. I will now look for this place in any major city we visit from now on. I met three pretty cool Latina sisters sitting at the bar next to us - all with grown children and somehow I felt connected to their sisterhood.

Now, I want to tell you about the very unique experience of riding the bus, yes, the bus, not the subway, in NYC. Somehow with a delayed flight coming to the conference I met a New Yorker and we agreed to share a cab from the airport. The line for taxis was LONG. There were NO TAXIS anywere in sight. We decided to then take the bus. The M 60 to be precise. It was a reminder to me that there are people working hard to make ends meet, that people have more in common than they do differences, that kindness travels even in the darkest of nights in Harlem, that we get a chance to connect with human beings in all kinds of ways and a smile goes a long way. I sat next to a gentleman who didn't entirely want to make room for me when I had my bulky luggage to slide under the seat. My New Yorker acquintance who is maybe in her 50's was ever so sweet in flashing him a smile and saying "surely you can make room for her." Charm. It works. That gentleman and I ended up talking about Obama and the political nonsense on CNN where people who are clearly intelligent do not check their remarks before speaking. He helped another woman figure out which stop she needed to get off at to make her bus connection. This woman, Joyce, had also come from the airport and later she took in a bit of a conversation about being young and reading people. We'd just witnessed a young woman, probably college aged, get on the bus in complete disarray and travel all of 3 or 4 blocks, then get off. Apparently she'd been kicked out of her place, that's what 3 of us concluded, while one was fascinated by her attire. Turns out that Joyce 78 years young - I'm not even kidding you. She grows most of her own food, that's what she credits for her youthful appearance and energy. I'm glad I met her. She said she's from San Diego! Small world. I met some other characters on that bus too. Conversations that happen past midnight are foggy, especially after a travel day... but I recall thinking that there was some reason I had this experience of riding the bus, late at night, through NYC on my way to a hoyty toyty conference where Katie Couric would be talking about her new show. If Katie Couric had been in my seat on that bus she would have pulled about half a dozen different topics to run with - all topics that are what we all care about, but are probably most important to those people riding the bus, after midnight, on a week night, trying to make ends meet.

I had a typical New York cab ride back to the airport - except we were supposed to have car service and we waited and waited and finally decided a cab was the way to go. I know I could never drive in NYC, not even attempt it. You have to be able to manuever like a tango dancer, only it doesn't look that graceful.

There's only so much you can do and see in a few days time, especially when a majority of that time is supposed to be spent at a conference, so I'm making a little list of NYC Bucket List so I can be inspired to come back to the Big Apple with hubby and the kids one day.

2013 New Year's Resolutions

New Year's Resolutions:

1. Keeping a tidy house - whether that be all hands on deck pitching in or having a cleaning crew come to the house on a regular basis.... and we WILL get that garage cleaned out! In 2012 I wanted to have a monthly cleaning service, but it never happened. I saw a daily deal where I could buy as many as I wanted for a cleaning service, I think that's the way to go!
2. Loving my body - I only get one in this lifetime - so that means picking water to drink, loading up on fruits and veggies, getting my body in motion - Zumba is still on my bucket list!
3. Date nights/days with each member of the family once a month - including ME BY MYSELF - this one will be the true test - and have the greatest reward.
4. Hire help for Sign4Baby - Yep. This. Is. Happening. Interested? Send me a message. 10 classes a week starts next week and I have tons of other business goals to accomplish so the first order of business is to become a boss. This should also help with goals 1, 2 and 3!

Expunging the pain of my father's suicide

This is a blog post I've pondered for a long time. Today is the anniversary of my father's suicide. It was a Monday. The Monday after Thanksgiving. A time when everyone is "getting into the spirit". My dad suffered from depression and an unstable marriage, and this wasn't his first attempted suicide. There was an Oprah special movie on the night before. I remember having a conversation with my Dad outside on the patio and the moon was specifically very bright. In years past I've been able to recall the topic of conversation, and the feeling of the importance of our talk somehow, but now 19 years later and 3 kids my brain seems more foggy on the details and what exactly he called that moon. On Monday afternoon my two best friends and I walked towards the gym for P.E. class I believe. Annam said something along the lines of "I have this feeling that something is going to happen to one of us that is going to change things forever." We were curious what it could be, but she couldn't describe it, she just had thing knowing. I'm become keenly aware of intuition and the sort ever since.

My mom and sister and I went to a Chinese buffet for dinner. I've never eaten there again. Upon arriving home our neighbor came over and said the medical examiner had been to our house looking for us. I'd never heard this title before but at 15 I didn't have to ask what that was. The exact words she used to tell us the news did not stay with me. Probably because I didn't want it to be true and immediately my mind raced so much that the conversation became blurry. All the while interpreting in ASL for my mom. While I didn't need an explanation of what a medical examiner was, my mom did. A slip of paper, maybe it was even a legit business card, had a number for us to call. Somehow the question of could this be a cruel joke came up, whether by our neighbor, Sherry, or my mom questioning her, I can't quite remember. I should talk with my sister and see how much of it she remembers.... but we never speak of that night. Ever.

It was with trembling fingers I dialed. I want to go back to that little girl and hold her because she was about to grow up pretty damn fast in that minute. If I could give her just a few more minutes, hours, days, weeks, years.... she needed them. That was when I began to question my faith in God. We were not a religious family by any means, but I believed. My faith still waivers, mostly because of that night.

Again, acting as an interpreter for my mom I learn the news from the source to be true, my father is dead. Cause suicide. Method, jumping in front of a train. Horrendous. Why that medical examiner told a 15 year old the news, I do not know. I can't remember exactly how it went down, but the sobbing was immediate and I either dropped the phone or simply held it out far away, not wanting to hear anymore. I sob now as I did then. That is an emotion that you don't forget, one of despair. How it stays with you a little bit, even though all these years have passed because it is now part of your DNA in a figurative sense. And as I always fear, literal because they say depression is hereditary. That thought never eludes me. I fight to be happy. I find ways to see validation in my existence. When things seem too hard, I remind myself nothing is harder than your loved one not seeing the value they have in your life enough to push through the straw. And the wondering. It never ceases.

I thought I would never celebrate Thanksgiving again. Remembering there was a huge argument around our "supposed celebration" that rifted my parents. Hence why we didn't wait for Dad to get home from work to go out to dinner. Animosity here? I won't lie. I have never let go of the thought that somewhere in the mess my parent's marriage was the root of the problem. Currently I'm not on speaking terms with my mom, despite a recent attempt to reach out to her. Not too long after, at least within the year, I became an emancipated minor. The whole story of my enduring despite circumstances begins here, or as some would see, the demise of my intellectual aspirations. I began to really not care about school. I'd always loved school, not every subject, but the escape, the learning, the feeling of success with high marks. Suddenly none of that mattered. Forever grateful I am to the families who offered their support while I was officially "on my own." Rachel, my best friend, who listened when I cried, was the only one who would bring up the subject and Thank God she did. Keeping it inside hurt so much. People did not know how to talk to me, it was painfully obvious. Usually those who met me after the event could talk to me more normally than those who knew me well before. Why are we so afraid to talk? If there is an answer in that, it could have saved my father. Maybe.

The stigma was a whole other thing. Would people always feel weird with me? I didn't even do anything to cause this, so why do I have to be treated differently? Too often people wanted to help or say something and stopped, why? Because they didn't know "how". What about asking? I'm 100% guilty of seeing someone go through tragedy and not knowing what to offer, condolences, a meal, an afternoon to forget about it for a minute, a call to check in? Who knows what is right for that person in that moment.. problem is we don't ask and then times passes and it seems out of place and weird. It's not. While the people who are suffering from depression need help and we can all do a little bit of reaching out, the people who are grieving the loss go through their own depression. Losing someone to suicide is different from other loss.

My husband has it in his phone to call me today. He just did. We met shortly after I became emancipated. He's asked me recently if my dad would have liked him. Yes. He would have thought he's done a good job taking care of me and not standing in my way, making me laugh and letting me feel, taking my hand and promising forever. He would have liked that. Knowing that someone meant it when they said forever. I had to deal with a silent fear shortly after we were married. I was afraid that I would suffer this grieving again.  The kind that comes from being abandoned. It was a weird snake that came up and bit me that I'd never known was there. All of these tears and deep thoughts has given me a headache. But, I sigh a breath of relief and relinquish the pain so healing continues. I don't know that the healing is ever complete, but rather the looking back and processing just continues to make the scar a little fainter, though if you look hard enough you can still see it. A little anyway.

3 reasons I'm passionate about "Food Stamped"

Yesterday I opened up my email to find an interesting documentary shared via Dr. Mercola. For one week Food Stamped is available for a free preview.

1. I grew up on Food Stamps. I know the difference they make for families that are struggling, and I also know how the fiercely limited amount provided affects the household shopping for less than healthy options, instead reaching for more filling choices, often less expensive. I remember reaching for bread and butter for a snack instead of reaching for an apple. I remember not knowing for sure if we'd have dinner at home or at a soup kitchen. I remember having to eat the school lunches (because we qualified for the free lunch program) and thinking my friends who could afford to bring lunch to school were so lucky. I remember thinking that I did not want my kids to grow up like this.

2. One of the issues I really want Obama to take on in the next term is fixing the Farm Bill. Yes, that's me presuming he's going to win. When I attended a recent vision board evening with some other BOMs (Business Owner Moms), I learned a technique about visualization or laws of attraction: talking about it as if it already were, instead of just a possibility will make it more real and your actions towards the goal more defined and effective. The Farm Bill is not something I can speak eloquently on, but I know that the crops that are subsidized are the ones that add ingredients to our foods that are not healthy - ones that are adding to the obesity epidemic. If we want people to be able to be productive, healthy, contributing, happy members of our society, it starts with proper nourishment; 5-8 servings of fruits and veggies a day, and most of us are not getting that, especially the poor.

3. One in eight children is qualified for Food Stamps. That means a good chunk, like 12.5% are probably not sustained with enough energy to even focus in school to progress to the middle class that Barack Obama talked about in his DNC speech. Children ought not to be left to fend for themselves. Programs aimed at the poor, especially, poor chidlren, need to be successful in the big picture. A statement I read on The Feminist Breeder's Facebook page struck me as so completely true it is almost laughable "I do not believe that just because you're opposed to abortion that that makes you pro-life. In fact, I think in many cases, your morality is deeply lacking. If all you want is a child born but not a child fed, not a child educated, not

a child housed, and why would I think that you don't? Because you don't want any tax money to go there. That's not pro-life. That's pro-birth. We need a much broader conversation on what the morality of what pro-life is.”

I highly encourage you to set aside an hour and watch the documentary Food Stamped.

10 things to do before you attend a BlogHer Conference

1. Have the mindset that you ARE going. This mindset is what I adopted even though when I learned it would be in NYC - I didn't know "how" financially I would pull it off yet. But you start with setting down the framework of a plan and not the "see what happens" mentality. Start this plan by buying the "early bird" ticket. You know the message of The Secret. Now put it into action.

2. Budget time for enjoying the city you are visiting. I had a day and a half to see some of NYC and it was mostly due to the fact I booked my flight later and there were no Wed/Thursday flights so I HAD to leave on Tuesday - turned out to be great otherwise I would not have fit in any sightseeing because there's so much going on during the conference.

3. Set your agenda. Are you there to learn? Are you there to network? Are you there to party? Maybe a little bit of each - but thinking about this helps you determine which activities you participate in and outlines your commitments.

 4. Reach out to sponsors early. Figure out what you can possibly offer in return to help cover the costs. Since I had my airfare covered with my miles I needed to just seek out a couple of small sponsorships to cover my hotel stay. What I offered in return was ad space and taking note of bloggers I met that could be a good fit to guest post for them. This was a great win-win because they didn't have to afford the time or money to attend and even getting just a couple of blogger introductions would help.

 5. Have some good ice breaker questions ready. This will make your conversation less robotic and switch things up from "what do you blog about? Where are you from? How long have you been blogging?" Good ice breaker questions: (and feel free to steal them) What do you do for fun? What are you hoping to accomplish here at BlogHer? Who inspired you to start your blog? Any of these will help you make an impression with the person you're talking to.

6. Prepare a media kit for brands, get business cards to swap with bloggers, walk the walk, don't just talk the talk.

7. Follow the BlogHer hashtag for the current year to find some people who are attending that you want to meet IRL - in real life.

 8. Search for a Facebook group of bloggers who are attending to share ideas, find people to befriend, look for roommates, share cabs to/from airport.

9. Schedule one on one meetings with either people you know or should get to know. Sometimes we think the best and believe we will cross paths, but based on my experience too often it is hard to try to meetup for one or both of you unless you schedule it in. Two of my three face to face networking hopeful meetings happened because we scheduled it.

10. Outline your budget for ALL the costs of attending - then focus on each item individually as you work to raise the money for conference pass, airline ticket, hotel stay, cab fare, eating (dinner, snacks, or tourist days), shopping and sightseeing. It all adds up and you want to know your expenses before so you know what to work towards. It also helps to have this itemized expense list for when you go to set your agenda - remember item #3 from above. When you see the investment you (or your sponsors) are making in this experience you may also value each activity you choose to participate in more wisely.

7 reasons I love my backyard

I used to think a backyard was overrated; we lived in a condo for the first 5 years of my parenting journey. Even though it was a spacious 1750 square foot 2 level condo - there was something clearly missing, and it wasn't just "more space" as I thought. When it came time to move we decided the move would be to a house, where the kids would have the pleasure of a backyard to play in finally.

At first it took awhile to get the kids to find creative ways to play out there, but with some diligence on the part of my husband mostly, the kids have been out there a little more each day this summer. And get this.... they haven't played video games in more than 6 weeks! Serious. They still are watching tv but not near as much as before. Ever since Amberly learned how to use the remote control, it has been too easy to let the kids be entertained by the television more often than coming up with planned activities or outings. That is one of the reasons we now do an annual Summer Bucket List. It keeps me present to getting us out of the house. But, there are times when the house really needs some attention, or I have to get caught up on work and we're at home a good portion of the day. So, for that I am grateful I have a backyard to now send the kids out to play.

What I love about our backyard:

1. It is big. Not huge. But big enough.

2. We have bunnies. They're not ours, but with a yard that they apparently call home, it feels like they are.



3. There is a garden box. Not that I garden, but I want to... I've been talking about it since we picked this place. It's been 7 months now. Who knows, it could happen.



4. We can roast marshmallows in our backyard or have S'mores Night. Enough said.

5. We don't have to go to the pool - we can turn on the sprinklers on a hot day or better yet, seet up the Slip 'N Slide!



6. There's blackberry vines! They are kind of taking over the whole side of the fence. They're awfully prickly too. But it is fun to have something to go harvest every week.



7. It is saving me from cleaning up graham cracker crumbs and sticky floors from Popsicles.

What do you love about your backyard?

5 years ago today!

5 years ago today was like hitting the jackpot in Vegas - at least that's what the calendar said. 07-07-07. It was the last day I worked for the big company that had me shackled to a shared cubicle answering calls all day. I was good at it. Good enough to earn not just monthly bonuses but earn prestigious reward trips. I had great healthcare, had really fun co-workers, and hated my job. As a fellow co-worker used to put it "this company has a pair of golden handcuffs to fit everybody." Even the brightest of us with dreams of persuing something bigger who had been lured in by the money and lifestyle change had a hard time coming up with an exit plan. Originally I was only supposed to work for this company for a couple of years, til I got my degree and could move into the field I was studying. The problem was the overtime available and the money it paid didn't help me with wanting to finish that degree and when I compared what entry level positions in the field of public administration paid, I couldn't see myself taking an almost 50% paycut.

Well, they say having a family changes everything. It changed my perspective. I was somehow able to take the risk I had been too afraid to do. My husband had told me I would be less sad going to work if I were leaving the kids in order to do something I felt was worthy. My 3 month old wasn't taking a bottle. I felt like my 20 month old wasn't getting enough of me at this important age. Everyone I was friendly with at work had requested the day off in order to attend a co-worker's wedding. Having a horrible customer call I looked at the pictures of my babies and had an epiphany. "Today's the day. The day I walk out of here and never return. I'm betting this gamble will payoff."

That's the story of me beginning my persuit of happiness and starting my business - Sign4Baby!